The dog, the divorce and the dicks - My crazy dating life

This can be split into two categories; the physical dicks be it in real life or dick pics or the metaphorical dicks, the dick heads shall we say. I will talk about each in turn.   The physical dicks   These come in all shapes and sizes with varying abilities, I’ve seen the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Men seem to have a fascination with them and some want to share them with you even if you have no interest in seeing them whatsoever. Usually the unexpected/unwanted dick pic is before you have even met this not so fine specimen of a man so you can simply delete , block and move on. You do get the odd post meeting dick pic and can act accordingly.     The dick heads These are more of the annoying beast. The rude ones who ask your weight comparing it to meta data and height or question how genuine your photos are. Or we have the ones who call you arrogant to your face. These come in all forms of rudeness and I would have assumed that this behaviour would occur prior ...

Things have been going well, you've swapped numbers and you finally agree to meet. Great, things are progressing, then the dreaded question...where shall we meet? It does seem that gone are the days (not that I would know) but of what I think were the days that a guy would take ownership of these things. Is it really that hard to suggest a location to meet? I am sick and tired of the 'oh I'm easy, we can go wherever', just because they are lazy and cannot be bothered to think with their brain. I've had the laid back guys who just 'go with the flow'. Maybe as a person who likes structure and order I'm overreacting on this, but it would just be lovely to have someone suggest a date, time and location and ask me if I'm happy with that. But that rarely happens. Or when it does their suggestions are great but at least they thought about it, even for a split second. Even if 30 year old adults end up playing video games and going to a giant ball pit at leas...

I sometimes go on those dates where during it I think that this person is not for me but if they asked me out again then I’d considered it. If they are the arseholes then it’s block, delete goodbye but if it’s a nice guy then I do wonder how they feel about me. Maybe my vanity and curiosity but I usually reserve the ‘thank you, but I didn’t feel a spark’ text for those that I’m really not interested in. For those in between I wait it out and see what happens. When I say wait, it’s usually only a day. If someone was interested then surely 24 hours to send a message isn’t asking too much; unless there has been a grave emergency. And for me I would expect it sooner.   So this is what leads to the mutual ghost. You have a pleasant date and you stay matched on the dating app but neither of you message EVER again. At least the feeling is mutual and it saves the embarrassment of laying your cards out if the other person is not interested and face rejection, but a tiny part of me is curiou...

  So, I have just returned from the end of my marathon of dates. Date 6 now complete within the last 10 days. Well haven’t I been a busy bee! To clarify it was with 5 guys so one actually made it to a second date, if that makes any difference.     They say dating is a numbers game, so I thought I’d play the odds. With a bank holiday in the mix, it was a great time to try this out and as we all know men are like buses, you wait around for ages and 5 appear at the same time.   Well, this story started off very badly and if I had maybe been someone else, I would have cut my losses and ended it there, but if I am nothing, I am a perseverer ; read that as stubborn, determined or delusional. So, it was one of those dates that I knew he wasn’t the one but being polite you engage in the conversation waiting for it to end and go your separate ways. Well curveball on this one and after telling him I was looking for someone who had their shit together and not a party boy f...

So it all began on Thursday (the app and conveniently the day of the week). Having tried all the well known apps, I came across Thursday. The idea behind it is that dating is intentional and not just backwards and forwards talking with no intention to meet. You can only talk to people on the app on a…YOU GUESSED IT; a Thursday. And at midnight; like Cinderella, Anyone you’ve spoken to on that day disappears. So you have had to swap numbers to continue the conversation. They also have events where members can go to, but I’ve not tried those out yet.   So this fateful Thursday, my first go; I started talking to this one guy. Seemed nice enough a cheeky fireman who lived nearby who had the fateful DOG. In the spirit of the app we agreed to meet that day; it is Thursday after all. So as we tried to tie up a location, he implied that his dog came with him everywhere. Me being naive thinking suggesting a pub on a rainy day meant the dog would be kept at home. Well I was wrong! A few hour...

  So how did I get here? Mid 30s divorced and childless living on my own for the first time ever? I guess we need to go back to the beginning… Roll back to 18 year old me who finally, after living through secondary school pining over the chubby blonde boy and finally kissed him at the sixth form party. It only took 6 year, lots of alcohol, borrowed shoes from my sister, some hair straighteners and a very little blue dress that allowed the stars to align and all my teenage dreams to come true. Well actually no! 2 days later I flew to Europe for the summer as I normally did to stay with family and wishing I was in dreary rainy UK. Messages were swapped while I was away and I was sure nothing would ever come of it. I’d spent probably about 20 hours a week with this boy and we didn’t manage to get together so how the hell was it going to happen when our paths went separate ways. I went to university across London and he went to work. It was clearly doomed from the start. Until a very d...